You might think that these words don’t really apply to me since I am still just a teenager. I agree, they sound more like adjectives that are often associated with (and in a certain way also belong to) adulthood. Surpassing the age of 18 comes with responsibilities, this age is just 1,5 years away from me. Just in a matter of a second, you cross the border between childhood and adulthood. All of a sudden, you have to pay bills. All of a sudden, you have the chance to vote. This age probably also is the start of a thriving time for you, career wise (thus involving utmost ambition in this field). It also comes with a fair dose of independence, since you often are obliged to move out of your parent’s house and manage life on your own, for the biggest part. I understand this thought proces, though I feel like I already have a lot of experience with these words. I therefore associate them with my entire life, not just adulthood (which I yet have to get into).
Of course, all of this is true. Though through my entire childhood, I have always felt like I was already dealing with the adjectives mentioned in the title of this blog. Not necessarily because I was obliged to, more so because I felt like I needed to be independent, responsible, ambitious and able to lead. I thought it might be interesting to write a blog about the past and current states of some of my characteristic traits (to a certain extend).
I guess all of these individual character traits are in some way intertwined. For as long as I can remember, I have felt a huge amount of responsibility. Throughout most of the moments of the day, I feel like I have certain things that I have to realize and it is my job to do this properly. When I was a little child I worked hard on my primary school projects and daily tasks. I was very independent, making sure that I was concentrated and got done what I had to get done. I wasn’t the girl, sitting in the back always laughing and chatting while not paying attention at all. I still don’t resemble this. Sometimes, I wish I actually was like this. Just sometimes. So that I wouldn’t take everything so seriously and wouldn’t feel the pressure that ambition can put on my shoulders; also a key component in causing my perfectionism.
I think I am just really addicted to keeping my results high and boost my knowledge. If I do talk with someone during my classes (maybe I should say; if someone talks to me during class), I always wondered what I misses. What piece of information was just given to me, without it actually entering my brain? It is not that I don’t like to talk to my classmates, not at all! It is just that I don’t want to be disturbed when I am trying to listen and gain knowledge (due to which I can maintain or improve my work). It is also a principle of respect to me; when a teacher is trying to explain, I want to listen because I respect that person and his/her efforts made to benefit us. I have actually gotten comments from my classmates; ‘why are you always so silent?’ or ‘why don’t you ever want to chat with me during the lessons?’. In these situations, my levels of independence, ambition and responsibility for some reason grow even further. By doing what I do during class, I subconsciously maintain the definition and standards of these adjectives (that I have set). By listening and paying attention, I concentrate and independently make the decision that my education comes first at these times. I therefore am securing my knowledge by making a responsible decision. I am ambitious in cases like these, because I want to grow and achieve more. I realize, that at least for now, my education is a gateway to an ambitious future.
Leadership is also something I regularly encounter in my life. No, don’t worry, I am not a CEO or manager of a company (I wish!), I am just talking about small every-day situations. For example, whenever I have to work on a group project for school, I feel like I am always the one who takes the initiative and comes up with a strategy. I feel responsible to make this project an excellent one and because of this reason, I try to structure the whole process as much as possible. Most of the time, the only way to do this is through taking charge in some way. I never do this explicitly and of course always discuss this with my fellow students. I just noticed, when looking back at the group assignments I have done, that leadership is something that I usually associate with my efforts.
Also in small things like meeting up with friends or making appointments, leadership always seems to shimmer through. I am usually the one who comes up with an idea and arranges appointments. It takes a lot of work to realize a certain event (this also counts for something that might seem simple, like a girls night out). It would be nice if someone else could take a turn, but then at the same time I don’t always have to start planning right away. I know that this is often something I immediately begin with, because I have experienced that if I don’t, the plan usually isn’t realized because nobody takes initiative or everybody thinks very easily about matters like this. If I do it, I at least know that it will happen. I guess I am a bit of a control freak…
I would like to briefly elaborate on the matter of ambition. I have always been the one who wants to achieve things. I still am that person. I want to do it all. That is probably also the biggest reason why I started Styles by Sophie and continued to add to it. I wanted to make a portfolio, in the form of this website, on which I can showcase my abilities to the world, to hopefully inspire others. I have joined organizations and worked in many different ways and for different people; all to improve myself and hopefully get me nearer to a bigger goal. What that goal is, that is yet also unknown to me. The ambition in me just fuels the drive to explore and develop myself in all possible ways. Applying as a blogger for a well-known travel organization, and actually getting the job, is another example of this. Just like the fact that I work(ed) in my hometown and the surrounding cities in several fields and grab the opportunities as they knock on the door. The continuation of my ambition is what caused all of this and is what will hopefully cause more in the future. That’s the reason I keep on doing just what I am doing right now. Every once in a while, I do feel that a feeling of unrest takes control of me. Continues ambition also has its disadvantages; real rest and satisfaction might be hard to find…
Yes that’s right; I am a sixteen year-old girl, but for some reason I feel like I sometimes belong to a latter age category when it comes to some of my characteristics and the role they play in my life. I hope you found it interesting to read about these parts of my life and my thought process behind it. Most people, often only see the surface of my deeds and form their opinion based on this. Though the reason why I might come across as so serious is often misunderstood. I hope this explains some of it ;). Some people sometimes tell me they wish they had my concentration or were as organized as I am. I then take this as a compliment, but also respond that I would love to have a bit of their ‘anti-concern’ approach to life. What can I say; we always want what we don’t have, right? Having an independent, responsible, ambitious mindset while taking charge can be both a blessing, as well as a curse.